Today.

It finally happened. I have finally broke free.

For so long, I was held in your bondage of needing your approval and love. I needed you to be proud. I needed you to show me your dysfunctional version of love. But really, nothing I did would ever be enough. My words, choices and actions would never be good enough or up to your standards. Years and years of trying to earn it, all for nothing. All for a one-sided and lonely relationship full of anxiety, tears, frustration and anger that has led me to a path of no trust or respect.

Today, I decided your opinions don't matter anymore. I decided that you don't get decide what I need to do, or the choices I make and where my life goes. It doesn't matter if you think I am reck-less, irresponsible or silly. Because you.. are not me. 

You see you never accepted that someone else could have a good, meaningful & full-filling life without your two-cents. That someone could be genuinely happy and not screw their life up by making a decision you didn't agree with. 

It might shock you to know this but I am loved. Not only by those around me and accept my imperfections and failures for what they are, but more importantly by Jesus. I don't have to perform for him. I don't have to act a certain way for him to talk to me. I don't have to shut people out of my life just so he will love me. He just does. UnCONDITIONally. My heart is full and it doesn't matter if you look at me and see sin. You don't get to judge that. He looks at me and sees a forgiven daughter who is sinful and dirty but washed clean in his blood. So I pray someday you will see the pain you have caused. I beg you to allow him to change your cold heart to humble. To not push people away when they try and love you. To learn how to forgive and give forgiveness.


Matthew 7:5
You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye. This verse continues the metaphor of a person with a plank in their own eye who criticizes someone for aspeck in that person's eye.