His words back to me burned like a hot knife,
He said, "No."
I was in shock, "No? What do you mean? What are you talking about? I am telling you I am having a terrible day and time right now and I just need you to make it better"
He again, very calmly said "No, I'm not going to fix it, I can't fix it. No one can, only God can fix it, only you surrendering to him and not trying to be in control of everything that happens, can fix it.
You, You are the only person that can truly overcome this. You have to let go and you have to realize that NOTHING you do will change anything. God already has a plan and he already has my days, our kids' days and your days numbered, there is nothing YOU can do about it."
As I sat there and cried my eyes out, I realized that the words coming out of his mouth could not have been more true. They weren't meant to hurt me, be-little me or put me in a place where I felt alone. They were true words of love.
As mothers, our job is to protect our kids. Our society today makes being a mother even harder.
What food do I buy them?
Is this going to cause cancer?
Is that multivitamin non-gmo?
I know they've been sick, but how long have they been sick?
Has their fever been over 103* for 2 days?
Why didn't I check at 2am this morning?
Am I going to cause my child to die?
I know "they" say things can be fixed if I get them in early? But how early is too early? What if I wait too long?
Does that cough sound like pneumonia?
The list can go on and it can make you go crazy.. We were made to protect them and watch over them, what we fail to realize is that God already has their number of days here on earth planned. He gave them to us and he can take them away. He knows the number of hairs on their head. He knows how many freckles and moles are on their body. While our hearts ache to hold them, watch over them and care for them is completely normal, we forget they are a gift to us. When a sickness takes your child away and theres nothing you can do, you have to choose to trust in Gods perfect plan.
"You began your life in Christ by the Spirit. Now are you trying to make it complete by your own power? That is Foolish" Galations 3:3
"Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks"
"Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you" Psalm 37:5
Most of us with anxiety, take those worries we have in our kids and then put them on to our selves and our spouses and over think everything. I have talked about this before, but our minds our very powerful. Our sub-conscious mind operates at 90% while our "present- in the now" operates at only 10%, so even if you think you have let stuff go, you could still be thinking about it and obsessing about it which leads to nowhere except more worry and heartache for yourself.
The end of our conversation led to me realizing how much I put myself above God. How much I think I know whats best for our family, best for our home , best for our life. How foolish of me to think that everything we have, everything we have accomplished is because of us. How foolish of me to think that we are healthy, because of things that I have done. My heart has not been a heart of Jesus, but a heart of self. It has been filled with my accomplishments, my good choices and myself trying to control things and not fully trusting that obviously this is Gods plan for our life, this is his blessing and we are just living our life for his glory. The problem with it is that its like spinning all these plates in the air, the more worry you take on, the more things you try to control equal more plates, eventually they fall and come crashing down around you.
For those of you with anxiety, I get you. I understand you. I love you. But I beg of you, for us to come together and stop. Stop worrying about things we can not control. Stop worrying about things that wouldn't change even if you had tried harder or done something different.
I leave you with this excerpt from Max Lucado:
The Heart of Jesus
A life without hope. Nothing to look forward to but a downward spiral of decay- and death. He was a leper- avoided, outcast, untouchable. A rough clock and hood masked his withered body. A scrap of cloth covered his ghastly face. Coming into a town, he began to swing a clumsy bell and announce his approach, "Unclean, unclean." All around him, people looked the other way, edged in another direction, pretended not to see, and turned their backs in hasty retreat. Though deasse ate away at his body, his soul was ravaged by loneliness. No one ever looked him in the eyes. No one ever reached out to him. He felt utterly alone. But he was on a mission. Word had reached him of a healer in the area- a man who could make a leper clean again. He found Jesus, approached him, and kneeled before him. "If you want to, you could make me clean." he said, with pleading eyes. Jesus did not recoil He did not step back. He didn't turn away or ignore the man's plea. Jesus was moved with compassion. Jesus reached out to the kneeling man. Jesus touched him. "I am willing." And with a word and a touch, the leper was healed. He is a man who can tasty that Jesus cares, even for the avoided, the outcasts, and the untouchables.
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